Those first months of a new call are critical to both the pastor and congregation to form healthy habits and dialog to arrive safely at a longer-term ministry.

LCMC is offering a New Call Orientation workshop this fall to help pastors and congregations to get off on the right foot.  There will be two opportunities to attend the online Zoom training: Saturday, September 17 from 10:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M. CDT or Thursday, October 20 from 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M. CDT. 

We ask that both the pastor and at least one congregational leader (preferably more!) be present to engage in dialog and mutual learning.

What our conflict coaches have experienced during these past years of working in congregations is that there are several crucial areas that can lead to conflict in a congregation. Decisions surrounding worship, pastoral styles of leadership, visitation of members, use of social media, and relationship between pastor and church council are just a few of the numerous areas of concern for both pastor and lay leaders.  But the question is, how do we have fruitful conversations regarding these and other issues?

At this New Call Orientation workshop we will discuss blueprinting and the powerful role it plays in developing healthy relational habits during the first months and years of ministering together as pastor and congregation.  We’ll delve into typical arguing types and how to overcome with focus on relationship and collaboration. We’ll look at generational differences, the continuum of self and its effect on interpersonal relationships, and of course, systems at work and their function in the pastor-congregation dialectic.

Our hope is for many of our LCMC congregations and pastors in a new call relationship to take the proactive step of working together to resolve conflicts in hot button areas by learning some basic steps in having healthy conversations. 

We invite you to join us either on September 17 or October 20 for this first of its kind LCMC offering. 

To register or for more information, please contact Perry Fruhling, LCMC Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry at perry@lcmc.net or (319) 575-8849, or LCMC Conflict Coach Pat Hogg at pkhogg@yahoo.com or (717) 309-3756.

• Conflict Coaches Training is to train up coaches who can assist congregations and pastors in conflict resolution in their respective areas of the country.  
• Congregational Conflict Team Training is for congregations to develop their very own conflict teams to help their congregation develop good processes for conflict resolution.

Conflict affects up to 40% of congregations at any given time to the point of disrupting mission.  Jesus gave us some clear processes for dealing with conflict along with numerous other Scripture passages which indicate clear means of reconciliation.  

We live in a world where there is so much division!  Why not become a part of the conflict resolution revolution! 

Would you as a pastor or lay leader have interest in becoming a conflict coach?  Would your congregation be interested in having a small group of individuals form a team for conflict resolution? 

Both events give training in understanding conflict from a systems perspective, learning to identify sources of anxiety in congregational conflict, and developing skills in the conflict resolution process.

The Conflict Coaches Training is a two day Zoom event held Monday and Tuesday, September 12-13 from 10:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. CDT.  In this workshop, conflict coaches are specifically trained to go into congregations in their region/area and to listen for the parts that conflicted parties play in a system and lead them into a healthy conflict resolution process.

The Congregational Conflict Team Training is a one-day Zoom event on Saturday, October 22 from 10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. CDT. The Conflict Teams training consists of going through a conflict manual which teams keep as a guide, evaluating case studies, and helping participants learn how to set up a conflict team in their congregation using the same conflict resolution process coaches use.

Our hope is that getting this Conflict Resolution DNA into our congregations may help them develop healthy processes for finding mutually agreeable solutions when conflict occurs – before it disrupts mission. 

If you are interested in becoming a part of this movement either as a coach or developing a team in your congregation, contact Perry Fruhling, Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry for LCMC at perry@lcmc.net or (319) 575-8849 to register or for more information.

During the past year, Perry Fruhling, Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry for LCMC, has been conducting Conflict Resolution Workshops around the country.  The desire now is to take this training to the next level as we train coaches for various regions of the country.

There will be a Conflict Coaches training event held online Monday through Wednesday, January 10-12, 2022 from 10:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. CST.  

The event will include training on the following:

• Basic information about anxiety in congregations – learning to identify the source of anxiety and management of it
• The process of conflict resolution – with hands on exercises
• Family Systems and congregational conflict
• Protocol for listening and discernment in congregational conflict
• Assessment and working with leadership on a plan for conflict resolution
• Reconciliation, restoration and healing in the congregation
• Referral and steps for long-term care

Registration is free and this LCMC event is open to LCMC pastors and lay leaders.  Attendance at one of the Conflict Resolution Workshops or having other background in conflict resolution would be beneficial, but is not required.

If you are interested in attending, please contact Perry Fruhling at perry@lcmc.net to register and for additional information.

We invite all LCMC pastors, congregational leaders, and interested congregation members to a new online Zoom “Congregational Conflict Team” training on Saturday, October 9 or Saturday, October 23, from 10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. CDT.

We encourage congregations across the association to identify members who are interested in learning the basic steps of Biblically-based conflict resolution and attend one of the these online trainings.

The training will consist of understanding conflict from a systems perspective, learning to identify sources of anxiety in congregational conflict, and developing skills in the conflict resolution process.  

Conflict that disrupts mission affects up to 40% of congregations at any point in time.  All congregations experience conflict at some level.  The question is how we deal with it. 

Often times pastors or church council leadership will “power up” attempting to exert their influence to solve a problem. Others will capitulate, run from conflict, and deny or ignore its existence.  This rarely works, but causes the conflict to go underground and resurface at a later time in more dramatic ways.  

Unresolved conflict results in a myriad of people leaving churches every year. Congregations become unproductive, discouraged and drained of energy, and live in despair when we avoid conflict and become hopeless to remedy it.

But there is good news!  God has given us his Word and tools to resolve conflict that can restore hope and bring reconciliation and forgiveness.

Congregational conflict teams will be trained to see the larger picture of a system at work instead of the usual blame game that results in most conflicts. Conflict teams will become skilled at helping conflicted parties in your congregation identify resolutions that are mutually satisfactory to all parties involved in a conflict. Conflict teams will be trained to help participants see each other as humans – God created and redeemed – in order to gain a heart of peace towards one another and seek solutions together that can bring help and hope.

For more information or if you would be interested in having a group from your church participate in Congregational Conflict Team Training, contact Perry Fruhling, LCMC Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry, at perry@lcmc.net. 

As we continue to learn about anxiety and its effect on the life of the church, we thank God for the opportunity to walk together to grow in bringing hope to struggling congregations.  

Conflict Resolution Workshop Video Available

Congregations who are interested in viewing the LCMC Conflict Resolution Workshop video recorded by LCMC Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry Perry Fruhling, may email Perry (perry@lcmc.net) for a link to the video along with the workshop workbook. 

Congregational councils, small groups, or newly forming conflict resolution teams may have interest in forming a study around the video presentations. 

The video was recorded at Richland Lutheran Church, Richland, WA, in February, 2020, and is a great opportunity to learn the basic concepts of anxiety in congregations and how to resolve conflict between two individuals or parties of people in a Biblically-based process.  

Pastor Fruhling is also still available to do in person Conflict Resolution Workshops in your congregation.  Simply contact him for more information and to schedule the event.

The training has consisted of understanding conflict from a systems perspective, learning to identify sources of anxiety in congregational conflict, and developing skills in the conflict resolution process. 

The coaches will be available in the months ahead for initial contacts with congregations in conflict.  We invite congregations to contact their LCMC District or Fellowship Group Coordinators to find a conflict coach near them. 

For more information or if you would be interested in participating in a future conflict coach training, contact Pastor Fruhling at perry@lcmc.net. 

As we continue to learn about anxiety and its effect on the life of the church, we thank God for the opportunity to walk together to grow in bringing hope to struggling congregations. 

Congregational councils, small groups, or newly forming conflict resolution teams may have interest in forming a study around the video presentations. 

The video was recorded at Richland Lutheran Church, Richland, WA, in February of this year.  The video is a great opportunity to learn the basic concepts of anxiety in congregations and how to resolve conflict between two individuals or parties of people in a Biblically-based process. 

Perry Fruhling is still available to do in person Conflict Resolution Workshops in your congregation.  Simply contact him at perry@lcmc.net for more information and to schedule the event. 

The LCMC Conflict Coaches Training event has been rescheduled for those who are interested in assisting congregations with conflict resolution. 

The training will be offered twice (individuals may choose to attend either of the events):

• Wednesday and Thursday, August 19 - 20, 2020 (10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. CDT)
• Monday and Tuesday, August 31 - September 1, 2020 (10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. CDT)

The online version will have training, an opportunity to discuss case studies, and plans for utilizing what we learn in congregational settings. 

The hope is to develop LCMC conflict coaches throughout the country who can be an initial contact for LCMC congregations who are experiencing conflict.

Coaches will receive basic training for diagnosing congregational conflict and assisting congregations who need limited help in working through conflicted situations. 

There will be NO COST associated with this event! 

We will host it through Zoom (participants will need to download zoom to their computer to attend).

Click here for an event brochure with the basic information.  Feel free to share it with someone whom you feel may serve well in this capacity (generally meaning someone with a non-anxious presence and some basic knowledge in conflict resolution or psychological systems). 

To register, please reply to perry@lcmc.net with the basic registration information included in the brochure. 

We highly recommend participants having attended an LCMC Conflict Resolution workshop with Pastor Perry Fruhling, Coordinator for Pastoral Ministry for LCMC, or other conflict resolution and peace-making workshops. If not, a participant may download a previously recorded workshop video to view before the event.

Attending does not obligate or guarantee a person in any way to serve as a conflict coach.  But, as there is mutual agreement about being equipped and called for this purpose, perhaps God can use us to bring restoration, health, and wholeness to a neighboring congregation.

Conflict occurs wherever humans gather because our needs differ. The church is no exception. In one church I served, tension arose over whether to build a rose garden as a memorial to the many members who served the church or to invest in a program for youth to draw new families into the church. In one church, tension escalated in a worship committee meeting when members were deciding whether it was okay for acolytes to wear tennis shoes in church. In another church, angry words characterized meetings about whether contemporary music or traditional music should be used in the church’s worship services. Each situation generated tension and hurt feelings.

I propose that a model for healing tensions that grow in our families and churches involves four principles. They involve allowing a grace period, demonstrating compassion, expressing forgiveness, and creating sacred spaces. Each of these factors affects and builds on the others.

Grace Period

Every relationship can occasionally benefit from a grace period. This is a time when, to minimize tension, we filter what we say to others. Instead of expressing anger, we leave some things unsaid. A truce does not mean that we avoid others or give them the silent treatment. It means we create a period of time when we choose kindness and patience over harsh words. It may mean that we table hot topics in council meetings until we can get more information, or, when someone differs with us on an issue, we do not instinctively react but give ourselves more time to think about the issue. One church member said to me, “I decided to create a period of grace. After a few weeks, I forgot about what annoyed me so much.” Though it’s hard to do, slowing down allows us more time to find constructive ways to approach a problem.

Compassion

Our willingness to create a grace period is sometimes linked to our ability to live in a spirit of compassion for others. Compassion is demonstrating caring with grace. Compassion is listening with a goal of understanding what another may be experiencing or empathizing with what another is feeling. Matthew connects Jesus’ healing of people with compassion. Luke begins his account of Jesus feeding 5000 with a preface explaining that Jesus felt compassion for the crowd. In Colossians, Paul connects compassion to having patience and kindness toward others. Compassion enables a nurse to care about a difficult patient, a pastor to visit an unhappy parishioner, or a mother to work with an angry child. Compassion in the form of kind words and smiles encourages healing. A professor of mine once said to me, “When you begin to feel tension with another person, do something nice for them. Show them kindness. It’s hard to stay mad at someone you are doing something nice for.”

Forgiveness

Compassion can generate a third principle, forgiveness. Forgiveness occurs when we can let go of our harsh judgments about people and situations and give them to God. We pray that God might free us of ill feelings we have toward others. Forgiveness does not mean we forget how we’ve been harmed or accept that a harm was okay. It means that we turn a problem over to a higher power and trust that he will make all things new in his time. We choose to let go of anger and resentment and live with grace. We admit that we don’t know everything and that we might even be wrong once in a while. Living with a spirit of forgiveness means that we give others a second chance, including ourselves. Bernard Meltzer once said that when you forgive, you do not change the past, but you sure do change the future.

Sacred Space

During a time of grace, in which we express compassion and forgiveness, we can create a sacred space in which we talk constructively with others. You can tell from the many stories that we have about Jesus’ ministry that his presence created safe places where people knew that they were cared for an listened to.

As a pastor, I believed that every person I encountered deserved a safe time with me in church he or she could express sadness, doubts, and sometimes even anger. As a university professor, I kept a large stuffed green chair beside my desk in which students, staff, and faculty would come in frequently to sit and talk about life. It was a safe space where I listened with compassion and prayed about their pain. Jesus encourages us to create sacred places where our spouses, children, neighbors, and church friends can talk to us and receive support, not judgment.

Mike Spangle, Ph.D. is a Lutheran pastor and university professor in the field of communication. He is the author of several books including his newest book, Forgiving Others, Forgiving Ourselves.